THE BONE MARROW EXAM
I finally received a call from my oncologist at Dana Farber in Boston telling me that the results of the bone marrow exam had arrived. Much to my astonishment he told me they could find nothing in my marrow; no myeloma cells, nothing. I didn't know what to say or have any questions to ask. He told me that the myeloma wasn't gone because it showed up in the blood test but he didn't think I needed to resume chemotherapy for the next few months and that we would just keep monitoring the blood test each month. This is great news. It took me a while to adjust to the reality of this news, perhaps because I am so tired so much of the time.
Now that cancer seems to be off the table for now at least, I am going to focus upon my kidneys. That is probably the source of the fatigue. They are at 13% functioning which puts them in stage 5 of kidney failure (there is no stage 6). I believe I have two possible symptoms of failure: fatigue and a truly annoying body itch. I will see a dermatologist tomorrow and see if he confirms the itch as related to the kidneys. Either way I am going to proceed upon any alternative treatment I can find to preserve my remaining kidney functioning. Western medicine has nothing but dialysis which I would like to postpone as long as possible. So it goes.
In one of my recent writings I mentioned Spirit, and a friend I know through my African work wrote to tell me he thought that was the only time I have ever mentioned Spirit. I think the reason for that is that I have been confused for some time. I was raised a devout Catholic but have spent most of my adult life not practicing Catholicism. Instead I dabbled in other New Age or non-sectarian churches but mostly doing nothing. And then several months ago I felt compelled to return to Catholicism. Given what has been going on in the Catholic church in the past several years the timing has felt really weird. However when I was in Church it was a deeply emotional experience something I never felt in any other church. I resonated with the central Eucharistic ritual of the Mass. But little else. I would look around and not see anything in the congregation that reflected my reality. I didn't know if this attraction was merely some childhood conditioning popping up at the last minute. I was truly confused.
Then a friend, after a few minutes of teasing me about returning to the Church, told me of going to see the Dalai Lama who told of having a long-time disciple who came to him in the final stages of her life and told him she couldn't follow him anymore and when asked why, she said she was returning to the Church. His response was: "Of course you are, this is in your DNA, it is where life originated for you and now you are returning home." I immediately felt an end to my confusion. My resolution, at least for now, is to go to three churches. I go to a very small ECC catholic church (like Anglican; not Roman Catholic) for the sense of small community, to Unity church for the energy, accepting congregation and how they think about life, and to a Roman catholic church for a deeper spiritual connection.
So this as well as reading a difficult but truly inspiring book about Greek Orthodox monks who practice a theology untouched by the outside world for the past 900 years and significantly different from western Christianity has had a profound impact upon me. I am much more at peace with myself and the present circumstances of my life.
I was born a Catholic and will die a Catholic. I am not Protestant, New Age, African or Buddhist and yet I continue to learn much from the Spirit that lies at the core of all of them. Recently Rachel Maddow asked Sinead O'Connor who had written a scathing public letter to the Pope, how she felt about the Church now. O'Connor replied that" We are the Church. These old men have stolen it from us and created this mess. It is time for them to retire and give it back to the people. I love the church. I love the Holy Spirit" (paraphrased). The truth as only the Irish can express it. Amen, sister, amen!
I finally received a call from my oncologist at Dana Farber in Boston telling me that the results of the bone marrow exam had arrived. Much to my astonishment he told me they could find nothing in my marrow; no myeloma cells, nothing. I didn't know what to say or have any questions to ask. He told me that the myeloma wasn't gone because it showed up in the blood test but he didn't think I needed to resume chemotherapy for the next few months and that we would just keep monitoring the blood test each month. This is great news. It took me a while to adjust to the reality of this news, perhaps because I am so tired so much of the time.
Now that cancer seems to be off the table for now at least, I am going to focus upon my kidneys. That is probably the source of the fatigue. They are at 13% functioning which puts them in stage 5 of kidney failure (there is no stage 6). I believe I have two possible symptoms of failure: fatigue and a truly annoying body itch. I will see a dermatologist tomorrow and see if he confirms the itch as related to the kidneys. Either way I am going to proceed upon any alternative treatment I can find to preserve my remaining kidney functioning. Western medicine has nothing but dialysis which I would like to postpone as long as possible. So it goes.
In one of my recent writings I mentioned Spirit, and a friend I know through my African work wrote to tell me he thought that was the only time I have ever mentioned Spirit. I think the reason for that is that I have been confused for some time. I was raised a devout Catholic but have spent most of my adult life not practicing Catholicism. Instead I dabbled in other New Age or non-sectarian churches but mostly doing nothing. And then several months ago I felt compelled to return to Catholicism. Given what has been going on in the Catholic church in the past several years the timing has felt really weird. However when I was in Church it was a deeply emotional experience something I never felt in any other church. I resonated with the central Eucharistic ritual of the Mass. But little else. I would look around and not see anything in the congregation that reflected my reality. I didn't know if this attraction was merely some childhood conditioning popping up at the last minute. I was truly confused.
Then a friend, after a few minutes of teasing me about returning to the Church, told me of going to see the Dalai Lama who told of having a long-time disciple who came to him in the final stages of her life and told him she couldn't follow him anymore and when asked why, she said she was returning to the Church. His response was: "Of course you are, this is in your DNA, it is where life originated for you and now you are returning home." I immediately felt an end to my confusion. My resolution, at least for now, is to go to three churches. I go to a very small ECC catholic church (like Anglican; not Roman Catholic) for the sense of small community, to Unity church for the energy, accepting congregation and how they think about life, and to a Roman catholic church for a deeper spiritual connection.
So this as well as reading a difficult but truly inspiring book about Greek Orthodox monks who practice a theology untouched by the outside world for the past 900 years and significantly different from western Christianity has had a profound impact upon me. I am much more at peace with myself and the present circumstances of my life.
I was born a Catholic and will die a Catholic. I am not Protestant, New Age, African or Buddhist and yet I continue to learn much from the Spirit that lies at the core of all of them. Recently Rachel Maddow asked Sinead O'Connor who had written a scathing public letter to the Pope, how she felt about the Church now. O'Connor replied that" We are the Church. These old men have stolen it from us and created this mess. It is time for them to retire and give it back to the people. I love the church. I love the Holy Spirit" (paraphrased). The truth as only the Irish can express it. Amen, sister, amen!
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