Cancer: a love story

THE DRAKE SUITE

It has been nearly a month since I left the hospital following my ordeal of shame. I swore I would put the entire affair behind me and as soon as I was strong enough I headed for a week of medical appointments in Boston. There I had to rediscover my promise to pack a bag of sweat shirts NOT tee shirts for Boston and to schedule my trip about three days shorter than I am initially inclined. The Boston week was somewhat exhausting so the following week I spent napping in an attempt to grow stronger. Then a week ago yesterday I woke with another fever; this time 104.1. Jeff loaded me in the car and took me to Holy Cross once again. I spent the day sleeping on a gurney in the ER before I was admitted to the hospital at 8:00 PM. AND I was admitted to the same room I had occupied three weeks previously. I figure one more time and my name will announce my residence with a brass plate!

This time they kept me for four days as they tried unsuccessfully to discover what caused the fever. There is a spot on my lung and they are suggesting pneumonia but there are no other symptoms. I am extremely tired all the time so I don't know if that is related but what aggravates me is that no one else seems to know either. Nevertheless, I am taking some heavy-duty antibiotics to treat the pneumonia which I may or may not have!

However, what causes me the most distress is the pain from the neuropathy in my feet. It became pretty bad during my last Velcade treatment and it is difficult to walk because I am so unsteady. It is like walking on beach stones. The muscles of my legs also ache in a most painful way that is often relentless. This is all relatively new; perhaps for the past two months or so. I am finding consistent pain to be a real challenge to my humor and maintaining a positive attitude. Jeff has been truly wonderful as he allows me to take time to truly vent all my complaints and whine like hell before I shut up and move on.

I am learning that, despite my wishes to the contrary, maintaining an attitude of appreciation and gratitude does not exclude being real with oneself and others about how difficult and/or painful life can sometimes be.

Life is definitely all of it and so are we.