Cancer: a love story

PEACHES AND PEONIES


I did go home and take the oxycodone and all it did was put me to sleep for a brief nap. Which, come to think about it is exactly what it had done the two times I took it in the middle of the night. So I arrived at the office of Leslie McKnight, my magical acupuncturist, with the pain intact and my mood sliding down an emotional sinkhole. The pain wasn't acute by any means but it was relentless and I just felt vulnerable and deeply discouraged. I still don't understand why it seemed so intense but it did and I told Leslie just how I was feeling. After taking my pulse she told me she believed the pain in my legs was related to my liver. And I do know that Velcade adversely affects the liver. She treated my legs with what she called Chinese goop and then needled me. While lying there in the semi-dark listening to soft Asian-like music I slowly became aware that I was no longer feeling any pain ..........and I could observe my mood steadily improve until I was actually feeling good and happy to be alive.

And I am happy to be alive. Two years ago, shortly after I was first diagnosed, I pressed my primary care physician to tell me how long I had to live. My oncologist had sidestepped the question telling me only that I had an aggressive form of Myeloma. But my physician answered me telling me I had about two years. And here I am. Here. Right here at home living independently.(with a little help) Going out to lunch. Reading in the garden next to the river. Pissin n moanin about the chemo side- effects. Even my final-stage-kidneys are holding there own during this cancer- chemo onslaught. I can't say I'm always enjoying this ride but I am definitely happy to be alive.

And I have never before experienced such a profound change as I did at the hands of Leslie. So lying there filled with gratitude for how I was feeling, for being alive, I decided to punctuate my experience by a small gesture of appreciation of this amazing life. I went to the market and bought a bouquet of bright flowers for my kitchen and some fresh peaches for my palette as a way of reaffirming my appreciation for the commonplace beauty and deliciousness of life. I have been pain-free since that session. Tomorrow is another Spa day and after that I have no idea. But I do know that the flowers are still bright and the peaches fresh and exquisite. And I am happy to be here, right here, to see and taste them.