BUMPER STICKER BIBLE
When I write I do so as if I am in conversation, seldom editing very much. Just as in speaking to another I will often search my memory for that word which most powerfully expresses that which I am wanting to say as clearly and precisely as possible. I do that now.
There are several aphorisms that have fused themselves upon my mind over the years and rested there continuing to teach me a profound truth secreted in their , often vulgar, banality. One of the most powerful aphorisms I literally saw on a bumper sticker many years ago. It is simply:
SHIT HAPPENS
It means exactly what it says. No matter what we do, no matter how perfectly we plan, we never control the events of our lives. Sometimes we luck out and things go "our way", but more than not an unknown, and often an unwanted, intervenes with our way. This occurs from the level of a an unexpected traffic jam to one of the most dramatic examples of which I know. Several years ago two very close friends of mine planned a truly over-the-top wedding for their adored only daughter. It was to be a major feast held on the grounds of an old Hudson River estate outside of New York. Cocktails and the wedding itself were to be held on a gardened terrace overlooking the Hudson Valley with it's meandering river miles below. Exquisitely gorgeous. The very best money could plan or pay for. The plan nailed all the cliches for a truly memorable occasion. Except shit happened in the form of a daylong torrential rain. The events were moved inside to the glass enclosed dining room which still afforded a spectacular view. Except shit happened again in the form of a persistent fog that provided a complete white-out outside. There was no view. Money spent, endless planning, great intentions had no effect whatsoever.
Shit happened.
As a caveat, my friends were downright heroic in their well-practiced ability to include what is. And they recognized that it was to be a wedding different from their plans. Rather than a gorgeous view to distract the guests from what they were doing there, the exterior mist created a cozy shroud about the room and allowed the guests to focus on the ceremony and each other. And quite honestly it was by far the best wedding I ever attended.
So why I do I write of this anecdote? One of the most frequent occurrences that I have experienced during the years since the cancer diagnosis is that of a close friend beginning to tell me of difficulties he or she may be experiencing only to stop and back off saying something to the effect that: "but it's not like cancer." And I think:"Oh but it is!" Yes, I know that my friend will most likely not die of financial or marital problems, but it is still shit and it is happening to them. They don't have cancer, I do. That's my shit. And shit is shit! Horse shit, bull shit, dog shit, or my favorite, rat shit!. It's all shit! And when shit is coming at you there is nothing to do but deal with it, manage it. When your relationship is on the rocks, when you're facing devastating bankruptcy, when you're losing your job, when you're adolescent kids are a pain-in-the-ass, or when you're just plain overwhelmed with rat shit (defined as those innocuous but constant and repetitive breakdowns like taking the car into be fixed for the same problem three times or spending hours on the phone hassling with insurance bureaucracies) - shit is definitely happening in your life and you have to deal with it. And it doesn't matter if I have cancer or not.
I know that from inside my bones and I truly want you to know that, and know that I know that.
Now if you get cancer, or any other critical disease or affliction, I can guarantee that your shit will instantaneously become elephant shit and knock the rest right out of the water. But, God willing, that doesn't happen. Nevertheless, there is a learning in what I am experiencing and attempting to convey to you. The practice is always the same. As humans we are Focus mechanisms. All we can ever control or direct is where we put our attention, our focus. You've probably heard this in some form or another a myriad of times. But like all basic truths insight is quite useless without practice. I have written about some of the difficult and distasteful aspects of my illness because I wanted to ensure that you were aware that I was not being pollyannish.
Allow me to say it as clearly as I am able: These multiple illnesses in my body really, really SUCK!!!
I would rather have hay fever! But I don't. So I am left with the choice of being a cancer victim...or even a survivor...or battling cancer, or I can deal. I can focus upon what is present each day and then set out to manage it as best I can regardless of how I feel. I choose the latter....even when it sucks.
So I live with cancer....and with heart disease....and with polysistus kidney disease. And some days I get up feeling okay, make a daily plan, and it all works out. And some days shit happens. But my practice is to refrain from complaining as best I can, delight in the beauty of my natural surroundings, take great pleasure in a lunchtime conversation with a friend, thrill at my ability to be able to walk and drive independently, and to keep finding ways to remind myself to be appreciative and grateful for everything that happens to me on any given day.And I often fail at my practice. That is the nature of practice versus the illusion of perfection. But so what?
I am where I am.
When I write I do so as if I am in conversation, seldom editing very much. Just as in speaking to another I will often search my memory for that word which most powerfully expresses that which I am wanting to say as clearly and precisely as possible. I do that now.
There are several aphorisms that have fused themselves upon my mind over the years and rested there continuing to teach me a profound truth secreted in their , often vulgar, banality. One of the most powerful aphorisms I literally saw on a bumper sticker many years ago. It is simply:
SHIT HAPPENS
It means exactly what it says. No matter what we do, no matter how perfectly we plan, we never control the events of our lives. Sometimes we luck out and things go "our way", but more than not an unknown, and often an unwanted, intervenes with our way. This occurs from the level of a an unexpected traffic jam to one of the most dramatic examples of which I know. Several years ago two very close friends of mine planned a truly over-the-top wedding for their adored only daughter. It was to be a major feast held on the grounds of an old Hudson River estate outside of New York. Cocktails and the wedding itself were to be held on a gardened terrace overlooking the Hudson Valley with it's meandering river miles below. Exquisitely gorgeous. The very best money could plan or pay for. The plan nailed all the cliches for a truly memorable occasion. Except shit happened in the form of a daylong torrential rain. The events were moved inside to the glass enclosed dining room which still afforded a spectacular view. Except shit happened again in the form of a persistent fog that provided a complete white-out outside. There was no view. Money spent, endless planning, great intentions had no effect whatsoever.
Shit happened.
As a caveat, my friends were downright heroic in their well-practiced ability to include what is. And they recognized that it was to be a wedding different from their plans. Rather than a gorgeous view to distract the guests from what they were doing there, the exterior mist created a cozy shroud about the room and allowed the guests to focus on the ceremony and each other. And quite honestly it was by far the best wedding I ever attended.
So why I do I write of this anecdote? One of the most frequent occurrences that I have experienced during the years since the cancer diagnosis is that of a close friend beginning to tell me of difficulties he or she may be experiencing only to stop and back off saying something to the effect that: "but it's not like cancer." And I think:"Oh but it is!" Yes, I know that my friend will most likely not die of financial or marital problems, but it is still shit and it is happening to them. They don't have cancer, I do. That's my shit. And shit is shit! Horse shit, bull shit, dog shit, or my favorite, rat shit!. It's all shit! And when shit is coming at you there is nothing to do but deal with it, manage it. When your relationship is on the rocks, when you're facing devastating bankruptcy, when you're losing your job, when you're adolescent kids are a pain-in-the-ass, or when you're just plain overwhelmed with rat shit (defined as those innocuous but constant and repetitive breakdowns like taking the car into be fixed for the same problem three times or spending hours on the phone hassling with insurance bureaucracies) - shit is definitely happening in your life and you have to deal with it. And it doesn't matter if I have cancer or not.
I know that from inside my bones and I truly want you to know that, and know that I know that.
Now if you get cancer, or any other critical disease or affliction, I can guarantee that your shit will instantaneously become elephant shit and knock the rest right out of the water. But, God willing, that doesn't happen. Nevertheless, there is a learning in what I am experiencing and attempting to convey to you. The practice is always the same. As humans we are Focus mechanisms. All we can ever control or direct is where we put our attention, our focus. You've probably heard this in some form or another a myriad of times. But like all basic truths insight is quite useless without practice. I have written about some of the difficult and distasteful aspects of my illness because I wanted to ensure that you were aware that I was not being pollyannish.
Allow me to say it as clearly as I am able: These multiple illnesses in my body really, really SUCK!!!
I would rather have hay fever! But I don't. So I am left with the choice of being a cancer victim...or even a survivor...or battling cancer, or I can deal. I can focus upon what is present each day and then set out to manage it as best I can regardless of how I feel. I choose the latter....even when it sucks.
So I live with cancer....and with heart disease....and with polysistus kidney disease. And some days I get up feeling okay, make a daily plan, and it all works out. And some days shit happens. But my practice is to refrain from complaining as best I can, delight in the beauty of my natural surroundings, take great pleasure in a lunchtime conversation with a friend, thrill at my ability to be able to walk and drive independently, and to keep finding ways to remind myself to be appreciative and grateful for everything that happens to me on any given day.And I often fail at my practice. That is the nature of practice versus the illusion of perfection. But so what?
I am where I am.
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